It Gets My Goat

Carol rants in rhyme:

Road signs are there to show the way and guide us each and every day

So why are they always behind a tree and these signs we just can't see.

You slow right down to take a look too late - the wrong turn you just took,

Instead of the directions we now lack can't we just have the trees cut back.

Robert rants about leaf blowers:

What is the point of leaf blowers? All they do is blow the leaves into a pile and then the 'gardeners' leave them and go home. As soon as they've gone, the wind blows the leaves all over the place again. So the gardeners come back the next day and blow all the leaves into a pile? Must be good for business though as it keeps them in work!

Peter rants in the dark:

I travel to work early, often when it still half dark. What is it with motorists who don't put their lights on? Are they trying to save electricity? What makes these idiots think they can be seen? So the message to these drivers is: You can see us because we've got lights on but it doesn't mean that we can always see you!

Kim rants about her lunch:

Why is it when I buy a packet of cooked meat from the supermarket is it carefully sliced and placed in the packet the wrong way round from the tab to open it? So I open it at the bottom, but it's laid out from the top?!

Len rants about hosepipes:

When there's a hosepipe ban, it annoys me when neighbours blatantly ignore the ban and continue watering their lawns. They are usually the first to complain when we run out of water. And I'm never sure whether I should report them or not?

Phil's rant is going up but not down:

Why is it that Marks & Spencer seem to install in most of their shops an up escalator but never a down one? Did they run out of money? I mean, what on earth is the point of having just one!

Janet rants about supermarket queues:

Supermarket queues are bad enough but why do some people have to finish packing their bags and trollies and only THEN will they start looking for cash or a credit card to pay the cashier. Why don't they hand over the money or card and then finish the packing? It really gets my goat.

Francis rants about the phantom shopping trolley dumper:

Has anyone seen the phantom shopping trolley dumper? Who is the person who takes shopping trolleys from the local stores and then leaves them several streets away next to a lamp-post or in somebody else's front garden? Please help find this mysterious person who is littering the roads and can't be bothered to return them to the appropriate store. Thank you

David's rant is (fairly) unique:

The word 'unique' means that there is only one. It can't be 'almost unique' or 'fairly unique'. It's either unique or it's not!

and Janet adds to the rant:

that the terms 'awfully nice' and 'terribly good' are contradictions and mean nothing

Lisa rants about drivers who pull out:

Why is it that people who pull out in front of you then drive at 20mph regardless of the speed limit before turning off at the next juction? I guess that they're thinking "I'm just going to the next junction so it won't take me long and I'll be there before they get here"

Coco the bulldog (David Beckham's pooch)

I'm not happy! I don't like being called a pooch - I'm a highly trained guard-dog and today I was photographed with pink toe nails. It wasn't my idea and it's ruined my street cred! You try looking butch with pink toe nails. Just wait till I catch up with whoever did it

Jenny rants

I've just had my weekly bin collection. Why do I then have to hike half the way down my road to find it again? If I wanted to play hide and seek, I'd ring my grand-children!

Sally rants about bird droppings:

I want to know if birds are more attracted to clean, shiny cars than dirty ones. I spent 2 hours over the weekend washing my car until it shone and was sparkly clean. This morning, it's covered in bird droppings while my neighbours car which hasn't been washed for decades remains 'dropping-free'. That really bugs me!

Henry rants about the Brits:

The word British when its abbreviated to the shorter version 'Brit'. The BBC are using this more and more these days and we also have the Brit awards. I do not like being called a Brit. Do we talk of Americans as yanks? Do we refer to our Scottish neighbours as jocks? Indeed the abbreviation of the word Pakistani is a racist word so why do we put up with the word Brit?

Bill rants about his toaster:

Toasters annoy me. I can never find one that gives me the right colour toast. The first slice is too pale, the second is burnt. We've flown men to the moon, got hand-held gadgets so we can communicate with the world but I still can't get a decent breakfast!

Viv rants about cyclists:

Problems with cars parked on paths mean access difficulties for me pushing a wheelchair, also the damage to the paths by the weight of the vehicles. I have been forced to cross the road or walk actually on the road to get past. We also have the problem of cyclists who use the path as a race track expecting the elderly and disabled to jump out of their way. Complaining to the police is a waste of time as they "need to catch them". Where are pedestrians supposed to go?

Dave rants about short trains:

What possesses the train companies to reduce the length of trains from 8 carriages to 4 at weekends when they’re already running less trains? Is it because train drivers have different licences like motorists, so they start off with short trains and then progress to the big ones?

Janet rants about rude books:

I enjoy reading but I’ve noticed that so many books these days contain extremely bad language and explicit sexual references – more for effect than adding to the story. I’m not a prude but I would like to know before I buy a book what to expect.  Is it time for books to have a rating system like films do?

Dave rants about cyclists:

Why is it that cyclists are always ready to argue that they are road users and have the same rights on the road as everyone else but then seem to think that they have some exemption in law that allows them to jump red lights or go up onto the footpath to avoid them. I also regularly encounter one cyclist going the wrong way down a one way street in Woking! What do the police do about it? Nothing!

Steve rants about pronunciations:

Why do we say ‘leedoh’ for lido? Surely, it should be lie-do as it’s spelt and shopping ‘maul’ should be the same as mall, like Pall Mall. Sometimes, the English language gets my goat!

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